Snappy Comebacks

Don't you hate how you can get the same question a million times a day, and it's only once you have a snappy comeback that people stop asking you that question?

Most recently, that question was, "Do you know what you're having?", presumably a version of "is it a boy or a girl?" About the 20th time someone asked me that, I decided I'd either say something like "Quarter pounder with fries" or "It's an alien."

Now that I'm ready, has anyone asked with that wording? Of course not.

Me and My Super-Sexy Maternity Fashions

I managed to wear regular clothes for quite a while during this pregnancy, but sometime in the past month or so I hit the point of no return and am pretty much wearing maternity clothes all of the time.

The best thing about maternity clothes? Not having to be preoccupied about whether your zipper is undone. Some of our friends use the phrase "Kennywood's open!" when someone has their fly open. Nobody has had to use that phrase on me recently, though, because I haven't worn anything with a fly in ages. Usually I'm pretty good about keeping my zippers zipped, but I do have a few items of clothing where the zippers have renegade slipping tendencies. It's just nice not to have to think about zippers.

Of course, the way that many clothing items get around the need for a zipper is through the use of a super-stretchy panel. I feared the panel at first, but it really is a pregnant woman's friend. For example, I have two pairs of maternity jeans. One pair stays on; the other nearly always falls off (even at this stage). The difference is that one has the panel, while the other just has a stretchy waistband. The trouble with the panel, though, is that the panel line is the new panty line. It always kind of bugs me when I look in the mirror and can see the top of the panel through my shirt (especially since it's usually only a little lower than the bottom of my bra).

The clothing feature that bugs me the most lately is having so much stuff that ties in the back. I hate that feeling when you're leaning back against a chair and you go, "hey, what's that thing against my back?" and you realize it's part of your clothing. It's not huge on the list of pregnancy discomforts but it sometimes seems unnecessary to begin with.

I do kind of hate how the maternity items in local reasonably-priced places tend to be picked over to the point that when I shop, the only things left on the shelves tend to be XXS and XXXL. I actually went to three or four different Target stores one time trying to see if any of them had this one dress in something close to my size, and they all had it, but the size selection got worse and worse the more that I looked. Don't even get me started on the one nearby Old Navy that deigns to carry maternity items.

On Being a Pregnant Dog Mom

Last night, I was at a class at the hospital on the topic of bringing a baby into a house with dogs. One of the class participants asked the trainer whether she thought that our dogs understood what was going on. I'm pretty certain that my dog Lucy knows what's up. First off, she's a mammal with nine nipples. She just gets these things. Second, she was the first one (after me) to find out about the pregnancy (since she has a propensity for following me in to the bathroom, the place where one finds out things like this).

We've also had a few very sweet baby-related interactions. A few weeks ago, before I went to work, she was sitting on the floor in front of the couch just looking at me, sort of the way she looks at Adam when she wants a walk. I knew she'd already been walked, treated, and fed breakfast, so I wasn't sure why she was staring. So I started rubbing my belly in circular motions and she immediately started wagging her tail (quite forcefully). I'd stop rubbing and then start rubbing again, and she would stop and start wagging in reaction. She only did it that one morning, but it was extremely cute.

And then last night, after we got back from the class, we were all upstairs snuggling and Lucy felt the baby move! It was almost as exciting for me as when Adam felt movement the first time. She gave me this look of pure love as I said inane things like "Lucy, that's the baby." Maybe the baby is already trying to pet her?

Another Pregnancy Milestone

Today was the first day that a complete stranger came up to me and asked if she could touch my belly. (Hey, at least she asked first!) I should probably qualify the "complete stranger" part. The person and I had been in the same 6-hour training session, and this was towards the end of the session. Still, there were 30 other people there, and I didn't even know her name or specific work affiliation, so I think it still qualifies as "first belly rub from a stranger." It's only been pretty recent that the belly has been really asserting itself in a way that attracts this sort of attention.

I think it would be fun to go into Lucydog mode when people touch my belly...I could lie on my back, with my tongue sticking out to the side, and wag my tail profusely. Oh wait, I don't have a tail...and it would probably be hard to get back up.

Nope. Still No Pregnancy Superpowers.

Yesterday I signed out yet another book that tries to tell you what's going on with the baby on a week-by-week basis, but it didn't give me the information I wanted. What I really want to know is at what stage the superpowers kick in. Surely I should get some superpowers out of this whole pregnancy deal, even if it's just an extra strong sense of smell or fingernails that could cut glass. In actuality, much of the time so far (at 22 weeks), I just don't feel all that different. Most of the time I'm perfectly content with this (even though it makes for boring conversation when people ask "How are you feeeelinnnng?").

Anyone know when I should expect the superpowers to kick in?

Please don't use the f-word around a pregnant woman!

Yesterday someone pointed out to me that I was starting to look "fat." Naturally, I gave the person some crap for the choice of words. After all, at 20 weeks of pregnancy, I've only gained about 7 pounds; if I were on a TV show, I could probably still pass for un-pregnant at many angles; I'm even still wearing a lot of my normal clothes!

If I were still teaching ESL, I can imagine that right about now I would be conducting a lesson on "things not to say to a woman who is 20 weeks pregnant." And the very first thing on that list would be "Don't tell her, 'Hey, you look fat!' " (Or, if you do tell her that, prepare for there to be consequences. )

Of course, it's not all that helpful to tell already-reticent students what not to say without also giving them some alternative language to use. I told my friend that I wouldn't mind being told that I look "pregnant" rather than "fat." (There IS a difference!) When people mention that they can see my "bump" or my "baby bump" I don't particularly mind. It probably wouldn't bother me if someone said, "Hey, it looks like the baby has had a growth spurt!" Or, "wow, you're showing more than before!"

I think a big part of why I've been glad that my weight gain has been relatively minor so far is that I really hate it when people think that other people's body weight should be a topic of conversation. I feel this way even about conversations about weight loss. In a different phase of my life, people have sometimes insisted that I've lost weight when I haven't--I've just followed the advice of the What Not to Wear folks and put on an outfit that wasn't outrageously unflattering. "
Them: You've lost SO MUCH weight!
Me: No, actually my weight has been exactly the same for the past three years. It's probably the clothes.
Them: No, you're wrong! You've lost weight!
Me: (tries to think of way to change topic)

I realize that I won't be having that sort of conversation again in the near future, and that the comments on my body are just starting. I should probably develop a thick skin towards these things, but I did want to put a warning out there to the world about certain unwelcome words.

How I'm Spending My Pregnancy So Far

This picture pretty much sums up my pregnancy so far. I am spending a lot of time lying around on couches. Our dog Lucy, who we consider to the be our firstborn, is already attempting to have some snuggle time with the baby. Many of my conversations about the pregnancy so far seem to involve the potential impact on Lucydog, though people who know her know that she's good with kids and has a very maternal side. I must confess that I already fantasize about taking cute pictures of Lucy and the baby together.